Embarrassment and a Terrible Soundtrack
by Beyond an Anomaly
Summary: Me? A bounty hunter against a pink balloon? There's no way I could lose...right?


"C'mon, Falco! You can do it!" Fox exclaimed from the sidelines.

"You got this!" Wolf chimed in.

Weirdly, that was the only time I ever remembered Fox and Wolf getting along with anything. They saved each other's lives on multiple occasions, sure, but cheering me on with smiles on their faces?

I never even dreamed of that.

We were at New Pork City, which was a city that smelled of candy and fried bacon. It looked like New _York _City, but I guess the guy who owned the city thought he could be funny with putting _Pork_ in it to make it sound special.

Creativity, ladies and gentlemen, at its finest moment.

It was me with my teammate who barely talked and was dressed like Peter Pan versus a pink ball with a curl on its head and a yellow mouse. Where was I? Honestly.

"Ladies and gentlemen," the announcer said over the intercom. No one could see his face, though. "Welcome to the brawl! On the Red Team are Falco Lombardi from Star Fox and the saviour of Hyrule, Link!"

Link? What kind of a name was that?

_Whatever,_ I thought. _He's already armed with bombs and a bow and arrow, so I'll give him kudos for that._

"And on the Blue Team," the announcer said excitedly. "Are Pikachu and Jigglypuff!"

Jigglypuff?! _JIGGLYPUFF?!_

I wanted to destroy that...thing just because of its name!

I had my blaster ready and my deflector shield on. Link took out an arrow from his quiver and latched it onto the string of his bow.

"3...2...1..." the announcer paused before he finally exclaimed, "GO!"

The crowd went crazy as Link shot his arrow at Pikachu. Weird music that sounded like the bizarre, kiddy version of Indiana Jones began to play. I hoped the battle wouldn't last so long just so I wouldn't have to listen to that noise.

Jigglypuff began advancing towards me as Link kept flailing his sword at Pikachu. The pink thing's big, blue eyes began to creep me out with the brim of its blue sunhat giving it a small shade. It had a weird grin on his face...

"Whaddya want, big-eyes?" I tried to keep it together, but in some way...it didn't work.

Then, Jigglypuff started to sing. I began feeling drowsy. The sound waves from its voice danced through my ears as my eyes were closing...what the...?

"Falco! Wake up!" Fox yelled from the audience.

I quickly woke up from the doze.

"Huh?" What just happened? Then, all of a sudden, the thing punched me off of the ledge as Pikachu began shocking Link with balls of lightning over and over again until Link fell off the platform.

Link was out, so that meant I was on my own, hanging off the ledge. Great.

So now, Pikachu and Jigglypuff began ganging up on me as I could barely climb back up, but I luckily had my blaster at my side. Pikachu was able to get to me a couple of times and Jigglypuff was able to sing its song in order to...enchant me, I guess.

Suddenly, a party balloon came down on us and showered us with food and weapons.

_Yes!_ I thought. _Just what I needed!_

I fought the two little monsters off as I grabbed whatever I could and stuffed it both in my mouth and jacket. I remember being so stuffed with chocolate and ice cream, yet I felt so...energized.

I wonder why strawberries weren't as refreshing as ice cream. Wouldn't ice cream be "unhealthy" in a battle like this one?

Huh. Guess not.

That annoying parlor music began playing and replaying during the entire battle, and not even the squeaks of Pikachu or the hypnotizing singing of Jigglypuff could get the noise outta my head.

_Oh, let this battle end soon. _I begged to whatever "life force" was out there. _I can't fight off these little bright-colored weirdos anymore..._

It was then that the crowd went silent and gasped. I knew exactly what that meant.

"Falco!" Wolf pointed at the rainbow balloon floating above us on the field. "Get the Final Smash!"

That was easily the best part of any brawl. Using the Landmaster was easy! I mean, seriously, who in the world could survive a tank that could shoot missles and do barrel rolls?

I ran for the balloon and kicked it once. Twice. Three times. Jigglypuff quickly jumped up and punched it once, but I punched it out of the way to get the Smash myself...

I felt the weird energy course through me. It was adrenaline rushing and spine tingling. I could summon the Landmaster! I could fly in it, and that was good for me...

Because...

"Personally," I shouted, jumping up in the air with the Landmaster cased around me. "I prefer the air!"

It was then that the two opponents started to run from me.

_Yes...yes...run you little twerps..._

I shot missle after missle with both of them in sight. The battle would be over in no time at the rate I was going! I shot one square at Pikachu, and the next thing you knew, he was flying off the course. He was out.

"WOOO!" Fox and Wolf cheered, and the rest of the crowd exclaimed in unison, "Falco! Falco! Falco! Falco!"

That felt good. REAL good. All that was left was the pink balloon...

I had him straight in my crosshairs, my eyes were locked on him, my finger was on the trigger, and...

The Landmaster disappeared in its blue outline.

_ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! _I screamed inside. _DANG IT, SLIPPY! WHY COULD YOU ONLY MAKE THAT TANK LAST TWENTY DANG SECONDS?!_

I groaned.

_Fine, fine. _I thought to myself._ We'll settle this the hard way._

Jigglypuff and I battled it out man to...thing. Punch and kick. Roll and sing. Shoot and fire. Sing and roll. We had to have battled for twenty minutes, or so; battles like this one usually lasted for five at best.

Why was it getting so hard? It was a small, pink twerp! Kirby without a hammer or a sucking ability! It couldn't digest me or whack me with a fifty-pound block of wood! So why was this taking so long?

Then, another Final Smash appeared. Only this time, Jigglypuff got it.

_Oh no... _I thought. _I'm soooo dead..._

Jigglypuff began to grow in size as the music kept repeating itself. He began getting bigger and bigger...was he going to explode?

He shouted: "JIIIGLOOO!" or something like that and just...deflated.

_What? That's it? THAT'S his Final Smash?! THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN UP AGAINST FOR THE PAST THIRTY MINUTES?!_

"Uh..." even Fox was confused. "Go...Falco!"

"You can beat him...yeah." Wolf realized how anti-climatic this all was too.

Oh, now I HAD to beat him or I'd be the butt of everyone's jokes on both Star Fox AND Star Wolf. All I had to do was kick him off course like a soccer ball...

Another Final Smash came along and once again, Jigglypuff grabbed it and used it. Another one came and went, used by the pink balloon. I even kicked it four times only for Jigglypuff to come in and ruin my hopes of creaming him with a tank. He had to have inflated and deflated, like, seven times.

"Oooh...that's it!" I bellowed. "I'm gonna finish this!"

I got myself fired up.

_Oh yeah...that pink ball of stupid is dead...dead, dead, dead, dead..._

"FIRE!" I could see the flames circle around me as I aimed towards Jigglypuff. I cackled wildly as I flew straight towards him in a firey, comet-like ball. All Jigglypuff did, however, was just step out of the way. I was soon out of those flames and feeling drowsy. I couldn't use the fire attack again. I couldn't fly. I couldn't even spin around and try to attack Jigglypuff even if it was still on the platform while I was in freefall. All I could do was fall down...down...down...

I was out.

I fell flat on my face as the announcer proclaimed Pikachu and Jigglypuff as the winners. The crowd didn't cheer or anything. Fox and Wolf were silent with the mouths dropped.

"And then he was all like, 'FIRE!' and flew towards the guy," Fox couldn't stop laughing between sentences. "But then flew off the platform!"

"And he actually LOST to him?!" Slippy sputtered in laughter.

"Yeah! Isn't that _hilarious?!_"

Slippy, Krystal and Peppy began laughing hysterically as Fox fell out of his seat. I blushed during their taunts that still continue to echo throughout the Great Fox to this very day...I lost to a pink, one foot tall balloon with a sunhat and big blue eyes. I lost in the middle of a city and my teammate was out around the beginning of the battle. I lost in front of my friend and my rival, whom would never let me forget that unbelievably terrible brawl.

Well, if there was one thing good that happened at the end of the battle, it was this:

The music of the bustling city and the pink creature stopped...and that was the only thing I was happy about that came from that day.


End file.
